


Ready to Run

by twahtohnedskee



Series: DPS Tumblr fics [7]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Missing Scene, kinda? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:46:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twahtohnedskee/pseuds/twahtohnedskee
Summary: Todd catches Neil reading his journal. Neil attempts damage control.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Series: DPS Tumblr fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1065818
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Ready to Run

“What are you doing?”

The sound of Todd’s voice from the doorway sent a jolt through Neil’s body. His hands fumbled with the diary he held in his hands, snapping it shut. He watched helplessly as a myriad of emotions flitted over Todd’s face.

Confusion.

Shock.

Understanding.

Fear.

Embarrassment.

Hurt.

Neil knew that his own expression was nowhere near as complicated. His face felt warm with shame. When he’d found what he’d thought was just Todd’s notebook lying open on his desk, he hadn’t planned on reading it. But the second Neil saw his name in Todd’s blocky handwriting, he couldn’t help himself.

Now that Todd had caught him, he felt nothing but regret. Todd had just started trusting him and this stupid mistake was going to cost him everything.

“Todd,” Neil started. He never got to finish whatever he was going to say because Todd was out the door in a second, not even bothering to grab his diary back from his roommate. Neil cursed and bolted after him.

“Todd!” he yelled. He forced himself to go faster. Todd may have preferred rowing but his hours of soccer definitely gave him an advantage as they dashed through the Welton grounds. Neil was breathing heavily, his legs burning from the exertion, but he couldn’t let this go. He needed to get to Todd. Explain. Apologize. Anything just to save their friendship.

When Neil finally caught up to him, he reached for his shoulder, hoping to get Todd to turn to him.

“Todd, I—“

“Don’t.”

He let his hand drop. Todd was still facing away but he could see the tension in the way he stood. He could tell that Todd’s arms were crossed in front of his chest, defensive. Trying to hold himself together. He could practically see his walls come up, shutting everything else out. That was when Neil understood just how badly he’d fucked up.

“Todd, I’m sorry,” he said. He’d never heard himself sound so broken before. “I’m so sorry.”

Todd whirled on him, bitter, and angry, and still so hurt.

“So what now? You go tell Charlie and the others, have a good laugh about it?” Todd demanded.

“You know I would never—“

“Do I? Because I never thought you’d read my journal and look how that turned out.”

“Todd,” Neil pleaded.

Todd let out a laugh and the sound of it made Neil wince.

“You must think I’m so stupid. Stupid Todd, with his stupid journal, pretending his thoughts matter. Stupid Todd with his stupid _crush_.” He spat the last word out like it was a curse.

“I’m sorry, alright!” Neil repeated. He had so much more to say but none of it was coming out.

Todd quieted. His rage seemed to leave him, suddenly and he just looked defeated.

“Sorry about what? Reading my journal or the part where I’m in love with you and you don’t feel the same?”

“I’m just,” Neil stumbled over his words. “I’m sorry that I read your journal. I know I wasn’t meant to.”

Todd sighed angrily and made to walk away. Neil grabbed his hand.

“And I’m sorry I found out this way.”

Todd’s eyes went from their joined hands and then up to Neil’s face. He didn’t understand.

“All that stuff you wrote in your journal about me? I feel that way about you,” Neil smiled. “Except I wouldn’t have been able to word it the way you did.”

“I didn’t think anything was going to come from it, until now,” he continued, “And I know I might have just screwed it up by finding out this way but if there’s any chance you could forgive me, maybe we could give it a shot.”

Todd was quiet, but he also wasn’t pulling away so Neil counted that as a good sign.

“I’m still mad at you,” he said finally.

Neil nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

“But I would like that,” Todd continued, “Giving it a shot. We can do that.”

Neil smiled so brightly that the late afternoon sun that was shining over them was put to shame. And when Todd smiled back, well, it only got brighter. Their lips met tentatively, in the shadow of the trees. It was brief and chaste, an exchange of breath before they realized where they were and pulled apart, flushed. Their hands were still joined when they made their way back to their room to relearn each other in private. Neil, for his part, tried to kiss away the hurt he’d inflicted on Todd. Trying his best to soothe the ache with his sincerity. This was his sole focus until Todd, laughing, kissed his forehead and told him to stop thinking so hard. Naturally, he obliged, capturing Todd’s lips again before the laugh was finished. 

(Later, Neil would whisper things to Todd. Anecdotes of discovering how he felt, how Charlie had known even before Neil had figured it out for himself. He told him of the warmth and the confusion but also of the joy that was constant now that Todd was in his life. He told him of how the world just seemed more vivid when he accepted his feelings. How there was more beauty to be had from living. He didn’t explain why he was doing this but Todd understood. He was making things even. Having read Todd’s innermost thoughts, Neil was now offering up his own in return. Todd hadn’t known that it was possible to love him even more.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Found this while I was looking through my old fic folders. It was written ages ago and probably meant for something longer but I think it's not half bad on its own. I miss this fandom terribly. 
> 
> Title is from an Ada Limon poem. The full line is "What was between us wasn't a fragile thing to be coddled, cooed over. It came out fully formed, ready to run."


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